There are moments that really shock you, like polar bear ice water jumping. Refreshing and heartstopping all at once. And after the initial burn and bliss and thrill, you are left freezing, once again having to fend for yourself. So much of the mythology we are or were sold when we were young is just that. Careening towards/away from a white picket fence. When those who touted the value of a life of risk and penchant for insecurity scramble for the formulaic. You are in the tundra. Glance backward, make a snide remark. Does it help you or them? Self sufficient princess rescue. Time honored traditions.

In such hurtful people and in such dangerous comrades, you can feel such light. Radiance of what they might hope for. Sadly it is incongruous to know your own deep, rich capacity. Hunger fervor. With music, there is the single most complete reciprocity. There is intimacy and it is in blinding sound. Starving voice. I never thought life would involve this much struggle and bravery. I am so thankful for those who have the guts to keep pushing and to not settle, when we live in a culture that begs us to settle every day - begs our apology for existence. Begs our acquiescence.

There is no reward. It is like Coehlo writes in the Alchemist. We make choices out of their own integrity and if we are to settle too early we have no regard for the riches that lie a few miles ahead.

"Soul mates" look a thousand different ways. The ones of us never immune terrify the myth of security.

Sanctify me. Grant me the grace to breathe fire and rescue everyone I love who has no choice other than to drown.

Every flap of their fins is innately gorgeous to me.