Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I have been listening constantly to Majority Rule's Emergency Numbers lately. It is making me feel good, it is making me feel unstoppable. I think this is truly one of the most brilliant hardcore records ever written, and I feel giddy that my friends made it. The lyrics, the vocals, the arrangements, the delivery - it is so strange too how incredible life seems when you look at your past. I get huge fears that I will never experience some of the amazing things I already have - touring, playing incredible, mindblowing shows, that kind of fellowship. Things change so much each year and I sometimes worry that I experience things so intensely that it causes me to grow emotionally at a different rate.

This album is so visceral, so urgent. I want a life of urgency but I burn so hard sometimes that I end up feeling hurt. I want so much and I love with ferocity but I want to regenerate. I want to realize things in this life, envision and enable change. Build something beautiful. Be part of a legacy. I am never satisfied but sometimes satisfaction scares me as complacence.

I also have way too many books to read at home right now. I want to hole up in my room with them. I want to practice the art of being introverted more in the next couple of months. I feel fragile, and like I need to build armor for a next round.

I love my city. So, so much. I love its music and people and sense of community and possibility. This city needs me strong. So I need a hibernation.


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