I just spent part of this morning reading about Lebanon and the bombings, particularly that a U.N. posting was hit. I feel so strange inside about the state of the world, and my own complacency, and the truly desperate nature of the situation. Last night while playing music, I asked the question to my friends of whether or not there were any truly great, admirable, beautiful political leaders left, in the vein of MLK or Ghandi. Erin pointed out how institutionalized everything is. Is there room for bravery, or innovation, or creativity? Thinking outside the lines?

I am not interested in being part of a radical punk ghetto that is not interfacing and responding diligently to the needs of its community. I am not interested in a subculture that trumpets laziness and privilege exploitation and lack of intellectual rigor. I am interested in humility, in learning lessons, in doing difficult shit. And this year, I am also interested and trying like hell to be a healthy, loving person to myself. In years past, in work I have tried to do, I have lost that in the fray.

Here's to being emotionally healthy and not celebrating our fucked uped-ness. We need to be wide awake and cogent in the world. There is too much horrible shit not to. I can't anesthetize any more - not now.